Growing a Bigger Heart

Everyone has a story like a board full of pits and cracks. It's only that we're too far away to discern one board from another.

My family's adversity lately has made me grow a bigger heart. I realize more now than before, that everyone is in a struggle. When I walk the isles of a supermarket, I see different people in different ways. I understand that most of us there have financial stresses, family illnesses or -God forbid - deaths, relationship problems, etc. Each person has his/her own successes and failures, burdens and constraints. It's even given me more patience with other drivers.

I am not naive enough to give just anyone the benefit of the doubt on being a good person. Far from it. Desperation can cause any of us to act out against each other. Greed can do the same to the weak of heart. Not everyone shares my values. Maybe they don't share yours either. But what I realize now is that adversity and pain have no discretion. They hit us all. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am slower to judge, on the basis of mercy.

This afternoon I was walking along the sidewalk on the way to the gym. I could hear the sounds of children at recess and feel the crisp autumn air. I noticed the sun was brighter because the leaves of the trees were yellow and spread the light like lamp shades. I noticed another sound too; soft scratching of leaves being blown across the sidewalk. I thought, 'how cool is this exact moment?' Then I turned the corner and saw the wind blowing a few happy leaves in a circle, like kids on a merry-go-round. It was nice to stand there and breathe.

So now when I pray, I'll pray for grace. I'll not pray to be spared from pain, but to handle it well. I'll pray for an appreciative eye. We're all out of bullets anyways, aren't we? I surrender. I surrender the outcome in order to enjoy the game. I'll probably have to read this to remember not to compare scores in a few weeks...