Hero At Home

I'm back at work full-time now, as long as Alison continues to be self-sufficient. I have my work cut out for me too, seeing as it's been without attention for such a long time.
My bosses have been so tremendous in their compassion for our situation, and I asked to stay longer so I could put things back the way they were before Alison got sick. That was granted.
I hate the way it went down with work; I used to do such a good job for them. They needed me. (And at least with respect to paperwork, they still do)
Yesterday I was asked whether or not I could have put in more hours while she was worse. It took me a long time to think about it, but I came up with 'no.' Well yes, physically I could have been there more, but if I would have I wouldn't be able to be there as much in spirit now. I'd march through the days begrudgingly. All my passion would be gone. I needed the time to care for her. To adjust. And in some ways to heal myself.
It didn't stop me from feeling terribly bad about letting people down. But Alison said something last night that put it right. She said, 'You couldn't have been a hero there, when I needed you to be a hero at home.'
I think I married the right woman.
A friend told me no one dies and wishes they spent more time at work. But I'm at work now, being as productive as I can in the time I still have there (I'm moving jobs). I'm reinvigorated. And maybe a little, I want to prove myself all over again. But I know that Ali's words weren't truly past-tense, and that we've got a good haul in front of us too.
In the end I think the lesson here is to do what you can when you can do it, the best you can do it.
That and perspective is everything (and having a wife to give you it ain't bad either).