Metaphorical Foliage and New Love

On a whim one day I decided to buy my shop lunch. I ordered "You Pick Two" for everyone, and was attempting to hold the bags and put on my hat while walking towards the door. I was in uniform so I had to get 'under cover' (meaning put wearing the hat) by the time I was outdoors. On my way through the glass doors I noticed a very pretty girl with a look of recognition in her eyes. It was only a momentary glance, and I went back to the shop and enjoyed lunch.

Later that day I received an email from someone who'd been pointed to the blogs by a college friend that was a High School classmate of Alison's. She'd sent her condolences just after Ali's passing, so I knew the name. We decided to have lunch one day... it was nice to be with new company; new company with whom I didn't have to explain my story. It was weird, but very nice. Funny thing when I tell someone about Ali for the first time - the conversation stops.

We decided to have lunch another time, and became friends.

Soon we were hanging out regularly and I had developed feelings. Niki was very VERY respectful of the situation, and I had to be very forthcoming about where I wanted our friendship to go.

I'll back-track here momentarily to detail my recognition of my own feelings. I have written previously that I held the secret of Alison's diagnosis for a long time. I did my very best to love and support her. I love Alison so deeply that it scarred. It's permanent. But I understand that she is gone. And maybe I had more time to prepare emotionally because of that secret. But what I didn't predict is that another love would not have to compete.

I thought my feelings for Alison would never allow for someone new.

And I thought that developing feelings for someone new would tear me up.

So it was really some revelation to realize that they didn't compete at all. Somehow they are separate, one having developed into an oak (I tried to link back to a post where I wrote about how our love went from a flower to a solid oak but realized in searching that I write the word "tree" a LOT), and one that had just budded, not yet developed it's own metaphorical foliage.

So I made a choice to let it grow.

I stand and face the future, molded by the past.

If we are less dramatic, I'll revise the last sentence to read 'I have resolved to see what happens.' I had hesitated to write about Niki for some time. Can you imagine the pressure that something like this could put on a relationship? But now I know we can handle it... and that this is the next step.

With warmth, all, welcome Niki.

I know it was meant to be. She has so much compassion, so much heart. If I had to list three things to write about her as an introduction, I'll say that 1) her smile and laugh is 'right', and infectious. 2) She really lives each day, not taking them for granted. and 3) she's got whatever 'it' is.

If I have learned anything in my twenties, it's that nothing is predictable. So I just write about it and enjoy the story.