Yesterday I was writing to explain some things, and I wrote that I what I don't feel is pain. I feel loneliness. I feel sad that Alison won't fulfill her earthly dreams. But not angry. And I am not feeling pain. And what's best, is as I was writing it, I was realizing it was true.
I have a big poster of Ali and I walking together in the Relay For Life. She's looking up at me trying to give me a smooch. The poster is leaning up against my dresser. It's the first thing I see when I turn on the lights every morning. It's comforting. My brain tells me it should bring pain, but it brings comfort. That's another proof-source that the pain is subsided.
Also true is that I have no regrets. I am pleased with the way a bad story had good things happen within. I'm glad we got back in time to spend good time with family. I've already written about it I guess. I'm even glad I won certain arguments, and lost others. It went down perfectly. Perfectly but still tragic.
But I'm finding it easier to do things. Easier to breathe... and I am thankful for that.
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