I have these great headphone/earplugs that I use when I ride long distance. They're great. Yesterday I realized that right now I'm much like the iPod that I plug them into. Well, in one way specifically. Have you noticed that when you listen for a while, or shift from song to song, the battery dies quicker? It'll say it's done, but if you turn it off for a while, it'll find some reserve power? Especially when you flick between songs. Leave it alone, let it play, and it will last a lot longer.
That's how I am with playing the social necessities/requirements. I tire out quickly and need to shut down. I reluctantly find more power. I smile, I tell jokes. I make small talk. I go home and shut down. Rip my hair out. Come back, smile again.
Where's the car charger?
Where's the power cord?
Hell, I'd settle for USB.
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I find that as much as being around people runs my battery down more quickly, I also need a certain amount of human contact to recharge...left on my own on weekends when the kids are at their dads' I usually go into "sleep mode" - literally!
ReplyDeleteThe other problem I can't seem to overcome is that I'm lonely when I'm alone, but often I'm even more lonely after being around people. It annoys me when I leave a friend's house with smiles and laughter, shut the car door, and start feeling depressed and empty (even though the whole time I'm with them I'm wondering when I can safely go home.) I mean, come on, lady!
About the posting above this one: YOU seem to be the normal one; your buddy just doesn't know what to say (or not to say). We have had some really weird encounters with people since Katie passed away. They just don't know what to do with their discomfort, and I think it's just human nature; we all have it.
ReplyDeleteThe way you describe your feelings and thoughts makes them seem utterly reasonable. Bottom line: only you know what you need, and I expect that will change from moment to moment. Your discipline and your awareness are going to be of great help to you through this. I hope that you will offer yourself the same compassionate caring that you lavished on Alison. You deserve it. God bless you.
Just be, Tom. Those grieving great loves and heal, have an inner strength and wisdom others do not comprehend. Sometimes silence is golden.
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