One year ago today, Alison found peace. I walked by her side through each and every day of her struggle. I was there for every tear... I was there for every laugh. Together we found a strength that got us through. My love has never faultered. Neither has my faith. My physical strength gave way long before my will did. On that fateful day, I held her in my arms as long as I could. I feel terrible for not holding her longer. But I think it's right that she went when we looked away.
I am writing this from Center Cemetery; it's beautiful here.
The sun is shining through the muggy air. The corn almost hides the church completely, just like it did last year. It's here that I know that truly, I will never move on. The loss is felt now as it was felt one year ago, as it will be felt in 50 more. But I have to heal. No pain this deep could ever be sustained in one heart.
With all of her spirit and grace, I have to show as much now.
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Tom,
ReplyDeleteI don't know you or Ali- but I foumnd her blog about five days after she died and I devoured it and I devoured yours. I don't know why. I guess as we get older, life and death means more and you start to think about things harder than you ever have.
I've missed your posts these eight months or so ...
I would be a liar to say I logged on today and read your post and Rene's too and realized you must be dating again ... and I was absolutely shocked ... but what seems like a short year for all of us was probably a lifetime for you.
I've been married a year and I thought about Conrad and how I would want him to move on and I would, 100%. Thinking of him sad and lonely almost brings me to my knees - and then I think about me ... and how I would feel if it were me who was left behind. I don't think I'd want to be alone forever and I know without a doubt that no one would ever mean to me what Conrad does ...
and so, i place my shock aside and I wish you well and I know Ali is probably very happy you're not alone ... and I know in time, you'll work out whatever you need to with her family ... I hope ... I pray for you and I wish you well on your journey - that is life. I'm so glad you thrived and survived!
Karyn from Houston
Dearest Tom... As someone who is also walking through a year of grief (though a different sort of grief, of course), anniversary looming in 12 days I want to tell you two things:
ReplyDeleteFirst, however you have walked the path, it was the right way. Don't ever let anyone question how you should grieve and more especially, how you should live in the shadow of it. You are doing it just the way you are suppose to... the way that is right for you.
Secondly, I don't think I ever told you this, though I meant too, but you helped me thru my mother's passing in a way that is hard to describe. By reading about how you handled her passing, by providing a glimpse into what to expect when the actual moment came ... you took away some of the fear, the horror of it for me and gave me (at least in part... the rest of it came from my mother herself and her incredible spirit and grace) the strength and the courage to be there, to release. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for all you have given. You are a unique and wonderful spirit and I am indebted.
wishing you love and bliss and healing and joy however it arrives,
Melanie (Wee)
Tom, you have no idea how much I missed hearing from you. I miss Ali so much...it really is hard to believe it's been a year. I'm glad you're doing well...stay strong.
ReplyDeleteBeen thinking of you this week and especially today. Keeping you in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteI loved your love story and I do now.
ReplyDeleteI'm extremely proud of the way you've handled things. I don't know if it's worse to heal slowly, but that's what I did, it took 17 yrs to not think about Paul every day. I don't think about him every week now, and I don't feel guilty about it. I grieved long and hard, but don't let anyone, not even family tell you or presume to advise you on how to do the timing of grieving and moving on. Sometmes you go forward and backwards. ONLY you can decide that, it's your perrogorative. Jan
ReplyDeletePeace.
ReplyDeleteEverything I'd say would be something you already know anyway, so just consider this me looking at you and quietly nodding, confirming that I agree with your decisions and support you unconditionally.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back! You are a wonderful writer, and I'm glad you're sharing again. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI echo Colin...and glad to see you write again-m
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