Dangit God, You're Right!

- Today I am reeling.

I’m not sorry for myself, but I feel bad for Ali. I am sorry that such a beautiful person was taken during such beautiful years of her life. She got robbed! Without faith that she is in a better place now, I would be floored. Devastated.
Life isn’t fair and I don’t expect it to be. Her cancer just chewed on her body. She was in so much pain. She handled it with so much grace. She just couldn't continue on as is.

- Last night I wobbled emotionally.

I asked the Lord if He was taking good care of her. I told him I needed a sign. I couldn’t take it anymore. And you know what? I got an answer! I couldn’t sleep so I turned on the light and read some more of a book that I’d been studying, totally unrelated to this situation or religion, and it read: “You have to know what you can know, and accept what you cannot know.” Or something just like that.

Dangit, God, You’re right.
And it was awesome. That is faith. Accepting the things you cannot know.

= I miss her so bad.

I kind of expected to have joined her by now. I didn't think two hearts so close would stay away so long. I have been expecting mine to throw in the towel.

- Dan and I left today for New Orleans.

I drove for twelve hours, starting at 2:15 AM and ending around 4 PM. When I got to the hotel room, I threw myself on the bed exhaustedly and thought: Gotta call Ali and tell her where I’m at. (2)

I can do this.

= Of my trip, I chose to take Skyline Drive through the Shenandoah Valley,
and was filled with the emotional opposite of a wobble. This is one beautiful world. Awesome job, God. I was overwhelmed with gratitude to be in it. Bouldering is good for the soul.