Rising Tide

I am home.

At the beginning of my road trip I bought A Time To Grieve: Meditations for Healing After the Death of a Loved One, by Carol Staudacher. It has been very, very, ... useful. Right on the back cover it talks about the difference between intellectual knowledge and emotional knowledge. Theoretically, I know all the steps of the grieving process, and I thought I could just be open and honest, and swing like George of the Jungle through them all.
Then Alison died. Nothing made sense anymore. I hadn't prepared at all.
Things happened I couldn't explain.
I felt differently than I thought I would on just about everything.
So I went for some help. And it has been like a faucet, reopening my mind. Allowing me to revisit events, recapture some of the feelings so I can deal with them better.

The point is that this revisiting is a rising tide right now. I can feel some posts coming that won't dance around the mess, they'll re-break some bones to set them right. I may turn off the comments; if I do, it will be because I just need to put the ACCEPTED stamp down on my thoughts. And I write this as a bit of a warning for those really close to the fight, because the coming days might reopen wounds for you too, if you keep reading.

I do appreciate the kind words, and thoughts, and especially the personal stories that some friends have related that they might have been keeping in close company. I am getting through the stack of cards that came during my leave of absence. They affect me profoundly, and I found tears several times tonight. So, thanks friends.

God bless and look upon you with favor.