Advice, Sound and Timely

I heard something this week that is profound and timely in my life. It
was the perfect thing for my ears, and I hope that it'll be the perfect
thing for someone else as I relay it. Here goes:

The Dalai Lama was being interviewed by an eastern psychologist for a
book, and the interviewer was trying to probe the Dalai Lama's feelings,
trying to paint him as a human. He asked if the Dalai Lama had any
regrets.

The Dalai Lama replied, "Yes."

The interviewer said, "For instance?"

The Dalai Lama said something close to this: "A monk came to me and
asked if he, the monk, could take on a particularly arduous practice as
he was certain that it would lead to enlightenment. I told him not to,
judging that he was too old for such a practice. The monk seemed to take
it well, bowed and left. I later learned that he committed suicide,
certain that he would be reborn and would be younger and able to do the
practice."

The Dalai Lama admitted his feelings of responsibility for the monk's
death. The psychologist asked him how he ever got over that. The Dalai
Lama looked puzzled and then said, "I didn't", with a certain amazed
surprise at the question. Then he went on to say, "I didn't. But I
don't caught up in it."

And I think that's a key to going through things, events like my wife's
death, or whatever has a very deep impact on you. Not to repress it,
but to be present with the pain. Examine it, but not be consumed by it.
Sounds as hard as it is, but I think I can do that. I think I can feel
the loss but rebuild a life. I can lose her but not lose the the color
of life. I can still live with passion and quality, zest and happiness.
Even if serious loss and sadness is there as well.