Coming To Terms

Tonight was the night I'd mentioned earlier. Where each family hired sitters, got rooms at the Omni, dressed up in evening gowns, and hit the town.
I've been dreading tonight.
Before I went, I stopped over at my Sister-In-Law's, and she asked if it was hard without Alison. I said, "it's not that bad, really."
But what I meant was that I miss smelling her perfume. And that I can almost touch the back of her neck, with her blond hair pulled up. I can nearly see and feel her dress' fabric, and I miss admiring the shape of her legs under it as she sat with them crossed.
What saying what I said meant was that my game face was on already, and there was no way to allow those thoughts while I still had to attend and talk with the boys and such. 2 Marines asked where my wife was (having observed my ring). The problem is that it's almost worse to have everyone know. But 2's not bad right? 5 more asked how old I was. I guess the uni makes me look too young for such a rank.

The counselor I am seeing said that the only thing that can make me feel better is to have her back, and that since that is simply not possible, neither is feeling better.

Now I believe her.

What's worse is that I feel like telling someone. Namely Ali, though. I want to tell her how lonely I am without her.

If I die tonight, it will be because my heart can go no further.